Side Note

I wanted to take a moment and pause from my updates about my trip.  I was so blessed this summer in having the opportunity to go on a wonderful vacation and enjoy it with my Nonno.  We had such an amazing time together and enjoyed every minute of it.  

When I came back from my trip, all aspects of reality came too, including the status of my other grandfather, my mom's dad.  On Thursday July 16, around 2:30am, my grandpa, Lee Baker Jr. passed away.  

He had been fighting Alzheimer's Disease for many years, probably close to a decade.  Since I left for Italy he has been bedbound, no longer talking, and barely eating / drinking.  The Monday before he passed he came down with pneumonia and we all knew it was only going to be a couple of days before his time came.  My mom and I stayed at his house on Monday night; I left Tuesday and returned Wednesday afternoon.  My aunt from Arizona flew up Wednesday too, and that evening my two aunts, my mom, one of my cousins, and myself were gathered around the kitchen table telling stories and enjoying Chinese food.  We all wished we could just wheel Grandpa into the family room so he could hear us all laughing and talking.  

You see my Grandpa was a very quiet man.  We enjoyed a lot of silent moments together but what he enjoyed the most was being with his family and just listening to what they had to say...about anything.  That night I felt okay.  I looked in the driveway and saw all the cars, and thought, this is how it used to be and this is what my grandparents both loved.  Sure enough, once his family was together, Grandpa decided it was time to go.  No, not all of the family were present that night but we had all already said our good-byes in our prayers.  

My mom woke me up right after it happened to let me know.  I just stayed in bed and stared at the wall; I didn't even cry.  We talked for a bit and then I tried to go back to sleep.  I dosed off a few times and had visions of both my grandparents and that would startle me and I would awaken again.  But then I finally fell asleep after I saw them both holding hands and I just felt okay again; like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders.  I miss my grandfather terribly; I miss just sitting with him and enjoying our milkshakes or fries.  I miss tell him stories and hearing him laugh.  Or asking him questions and hearing the interesting responses he came up with in his mind.  I know I am blessed in that I got to spend so much time with my grandfather, but it doesn't ease the hurt.  

I'm reading the eulogy this Friday at the service and will be working on it all week.  It is definitely one of the hardest things I have ever had to write, as was my grandmother's but I am so honored that my family has allowed me this privilege.  It might sound strange but I just have so much to share about it and I just hope I can express it all this week.  And every time I get choked up about it all I think back to what one of my dear friends told me in San Diego when my grandmother passed away: I can still love someone even when they are not physically there anymore, and they can still love me, and now he will always be with me in my own heart.  I know it is simple, but it struck me when she told it.