It Happens...

So, many, many, many months later...
Much has changed.

I am finally and officially an RN!! After months of studying and cramming and stressing and crying, it all paid off and I passed the NCLEX in January of 2009!

I have also gone through one of the hardest things in life: heart break. I had been dating this guy for 7 years, and it abruptly came to an end mid-December 2008. Two days before finals started; it was just perfect timing. And literally, the world looked less colorful; my feet felt like dead weights; and I just wanted to feel numb because the pain was too much to handle. I don't think I have ever felt such pain before. A sort of pain that cannot really be described because it consumes your entire body and soul. It was like my whole world had come to end. My chest would tighten up and I would have to remind myself to breath and take deep breaths. I cried everyday for weeks. If I ever thought about it too long this sense of fear, panic and misery would seep through me. In the second Twilight book, the main character looses the love of her life and many people have commented how obnoxious or dramatic she is, but I know exactly what that feels like. It feels impossible to move. And you just want to sink away into a hole and disappear until the pain is gone.

But life is not like Twilight and my 'Edward' did not come back for me and never will. Life goes on and so must I. And surprisingly enough, I really have! Some days are worse than others; and I still break down and cry every so often. But each day I heal a little more. Each day the world is a little brighter. Each day I grow a little more confident that I really will be OK. I completely believe that things are going to be fine. I'm not there yet, but I will be one day. I suffered a pretty bad case of heart break, but it won't last forever. I definitely still believe in love and know that I will find it again one day. Apparently it just wasn't my time. Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes I'm not so sure why I had to be put through so much sadness and pain, but I'll figure it out along the way.